What a full morning it has been to get to this point. I slept through my 6 am alarm, woke up at 7:15, and rushed to the Ankeny bus stop 5 minutes later. Completely unprepared for the rain in my scrubby yoga clothes, I got in line behind at least 30 young, polished professionals to take the commuter bus into Des Moines. Oh how I'm glad I'm not them today.
Maggie, the young owner of the yoga studio, led us through a 60 minute all-levels vinyasa class. She strongly emphasized a lulu-esque approach--do your own thing, do your own thing, did i mention, please do your own thing! A Laughing Lotus poster in the corner made me feel I was in good hands. The studio values also show in the products in the front of the store. She sells Boulder's Pangea products, her own used and homemade clothing, and also has a free yoga library with a great book selection.
The theme was not forcing yourself to be a certain way, but instead opening up to what is. Still I caught myself thinking things like "I hope I don't look fat," "I am a coward for not doing an inversion," and "I hope I look at least kind of like someone who has done a teacher training." But opening up to what is means not worrying about those things and just being yourself.
I suppose the thing that perked my ears up the most was her discussion of how we have good days and bad days emotionally and physically. Sometimes you'll feel awkward in your body; sometimes glorious. Sometimes you take the bus in the rain and don't care, and some days it makes you feel sorry for yourself. In any case it will pass and you don't have to become consumed by it, or take it as the permanent truth. This is one of those basic life lessons I must have missed in elementary school guidance class. Or maybe I just didn't believe it. I thought, things will never be hard for me! I can handle anything, make any situation 'work.' SO not true.
Weezer is giving me my ending now:
I have many fears about rejection, I have many memories of pain, I have always been a little shy. So I'll turn and look the other waaaaay.